Monday, March 13, 2017

When did fear become your higher power?

That was a question my sponsor asked me last week. When sharing about a reaction I had with someone I love, he identified that I was in fear. His question was one that has resonated within the walls of my spiritual center. Kind of like a movie line that I will never forget. He is good with this kind of communication, and these are "Keithisms" I love. A few years ago when someone broke up with me, and continued to "dick" me around, he said this man was not "honoring you". WHOA! What a word, what a line. It made me realize that I DESERVE to be honored and helped me to see what dishonor looked like.

I grew into a new realm that day.

I allow people to dishonor me which results in my entering the kingdom of fear. In this kingdom there is self-doubt, no self-esteem and a new belief system can grow - in a sort of dysfunctional petrie dish. If I allow it. That's what having a sponsor is so critical for me. I will relapse into this shitty, and false, belief system if I stay in this kingdom alone.

I have an allergy to people. To dysfunctional people. I allow them into my life, I come to care about them and they eventually do what they do - hurt themselves and others. Including me. I accept this is my reality, but I don't accept there is no ability to manage this. That's the gift of the third step.

Having a higher power who is not fear, is my solution.

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