Sunday, March 9, 2014

My how I've changed

My disease of codependency is that I attach myself emotionally to another with whom I want/need a relationship. It generally doesn't matter their character, personality, morals. If I "want" him, then I "need" him. This is my disease when left untreated.

Today I am a recovered Al-Anon. And my growth has become evident to me on a level I could never have hoped for. I have truly been relieved of the bondage of this self-centered disease. I am seeing more and more how I have been freed and the gratitude is deeply felt. I started dating a man a few weeks ago. Last night we had our 4th date. He is a lovely man, but he is not for me. Not now, anyhow. He is still attached to the post-divorce drama with his ex. His wounds are fresh and I can see how it prevents him from being present with me. On our date last night, he was sarcastic, borderline insulting at first. Later, he was annoyed with drivers of our city, then quiet during dinner and just basically not engaging into or with me. Finally, I addressed it. And he admitted he was affected by an issue with his children and ex wife. He poured it all out and I listened. I listened some more and asked if he wanted feedback. He agreed so I 12 stepped him to the best of my ability. It didn't change the dynamics of the evening, but I was of service and didn't take it personally. I realized I cannot continue to date this man because though I have compassion for his plight, I am not his sponsor or therapist. And this relationship is not developing into what it should be. My needs are not being met. He is who he is, and where he is. But I need, want and deserve more.

This is monumental progress for me. I am not emotionally connected to him as no connected has been developed. I can let go. Wow, I CAN let go!!!

Thank you God.

1 comment:

kel said...

Thank you for sharing these thoughts. Do-dependency is one of my many, many flaws, and this post helped give me some perspective on a current relationship issue I am dealing with.