Tuesday, May 5, 2015

Learning to trust the process

When you have important decisions to make, choose to center yourself and go within in order to feel safe. Learn to make the most difficult choices from this space. Lean into change and go with the flow.

The following nine tips will help you trust the process and allow life to unfold.
1. Live with a sense of wonder. Allow life to support you. Spend time outdoors: watch the sun rise, plant a rose bush or go for a walk. Get caught up in the laughter and movement of children on a playground.

2. Go with the flow.  Don’t deny your feelings. Breathe. Let painful emotions pass through you. Learn to detach from people, places and things that no longer serve you. Don’t hold yourself back.

3. Be resilient. Believe in your own ability to respond to life. Think of everything you have survived in the past. Move in a new direction. Decide that you’re going to survive and thrive. Be gentle with yourself.

4. Serve others. When you feel like life is against you and nothing is working out, find a way to bring others forward. Work in the soup kitchen. Pick up litter. Join a cause. Do something that takes you out of “woe is me.”

5. Do your work. Own your shortcomings. Heal your shadow side. Live with a positive attitude and a grateful heart. Authentic power comes from being responsible and accountable for your life.

6. Embrace the unknown. You are exactly where you need to be. Remove the distractions from your life and really examine where you are and where you want to go.  It’s a gift to be able to trust the unseen and intangible with a feeling of satisfaction and joy.

7. Be flexible. Be willing to change your plans and direction. Be open to "not knowing." Life changes in an instant. Change with it. Find a role model who moves through their days with ease and grace. Model their behavior.

8. Live with uncertainty. Get comfortable with “not knowing.” We don’t know why things happen. We don’t know what anything is for. Let go of your fear of change. Believe the best is yet to come. Keep breathing, reflecting and step up your personal care.

9. Enjoy the sun. The dark doesn’t last forever. Allow yourself to enjoy life. How good can you let it get? How much joy can you stand? You’re worthy of it all. Increase your pleasure quotient. Claim your abundance. Look for the light and move towards it.

10. Expect beautiful lessons and priceless gifts. When you are able to release your fear, judgment and negative reactions, you are left with the beauty of your own wholeness.

When you trust the process of life, you connect with a sense of oneness, synchronicity, serendipity and unconditional love. Your path becomes clear and you are pulled forward with a true sense of safety. 

credit: http://theboldlife.com/2013/04/10-ways-to-let-go-of-fear-and-trust-the-process/

Wednesday, April 29, 2015

I complain

I confessed to my therapist last night that I have become a complainer. Again. I used to complain a lot prior to recovery. And it's always about someone who didn't do something I wanted. Blah blah. So I am finding that in my work now. I feel I am being controlled and not heard at work so I am complaining. Instead, I should be taking control and asserting myself, making my own decisions. Oh, and I havent been to enough meeting lately. Only one a week due to my insane work cycle. So that will end today. I can take control and make positive changes. Since, it seems, ain't no one else gonna change ;P

I am going to a noon meeting today. But first the gym. I have not been consistant there either. All the things I know to do to take care of my body and soul, I've slacked off. So now I know and off I go.

Saturday, April 25, 2015

So, where was I..

Not posting here, obviously. :(

I am alive and well for anyone who still pops by here. I am working like a fiend in my new career, I am quite exhausted by days end. But I am well. Work is interesting, and challenging at the same time. So far, I am loving it. Well most of it. All in all it's good.

Here are some bulleted updates since I am rather lazy:

* Jackson is doing very well. He is in the early days of being recruited by a really cool band with a strong following. He asked me not to tell anyone so pretend I never said anything, k?

* I still have a room mate here and it's working out well. He keeps to himself, is friendly and pays the rent on time. It's been an interesting journey learning how to live with a man who is not my significant other.

* My Al-Anon family has changed a bit. I am still strongly connected to my home group and very happy there. My other group, not so much. There is one very controlling man there, the founder, who criticizes anything I do that is "wrong". He set the group up 12 years ago and has such a strong arm, albeit a silent one, that everyone allows him to be he guru. I had enough. So I left. I said my goodbyes and moved on. Another lesson for sure.

I hope to write here more. Time constraints due to work are my biggest obstacles. But I'm still here, and I still have God. And as always, he has me.

Saturday, April 4, 2015

This disease

It appears I will never not wish for my son to have his father care about him. For the last 4 months, my ex husband has returned to active addictive behavior. He does nothing for Jackson. Doesn't respond to my requests for help. Not one word.

And it still hurts. The disease never changes. So I have to be the one to change.


Friday, April 3, 2015

Forgetting who my real employer is

Today has been less than a good Friday. (Happy Easter btw). Financial fears popped up like those darn whack-a-moles. Business is slow, income tax return frustrations from my son's scholarships at school and just general "Not going my way" stuff. I became frustrated and unmanagable. Generally a shit feeling. I didn't seek the solution for a few hours, not a good sign. I finally began to pray and took action. Cleaning the kitchen. Big time, heavy duty cleaning. Move the body, the mind will follow. That's the idea anyhow. It's helping some.

I am remembering now that God is my employer. He provides the clients, the tax resolutions. I need to turn to HIM and not give in to my frustrations. I forget. Meh.

I like the work I am doing a lot. I just need to accept that in sales there are up days and down days. It's not all supposed to go my way, now is it. There are good things going on. One is the one brother of mine that I've always had dissention with has moved right down the street from me. And he seems to want to be friends with me. Invited me over to see his new place last night. Wants Jackson and I to come for dinner. That's a good thing. A weird thing, for sure. But a good thing.