Friday, February 24, 2017

Another....

Yesterday, just a few hours after I posted my tribute to Steve, I received a call that a long time Al-Anon friend had been severely injured in a hit and run. My friend, Maty, was walking to her Italian class when someone hit her and left her to die. Thankfully others called for help and saved her life. She is in critical condition with a part of her skull having been removed to release pressure on her brain. We, her friends and spiritual family, are devastated.

When I was in Miami last week, Maty was the guest speaker at my home group. When I walked in and saw her, she jumped up excitedly with her bright smile to welcome me. Which she always does that, but what a great feeling to experience. Someone happy to see me. During her share, she said she'd had a "feeling" that I was going to be there that weekend, even though she knows I live in Atlanta. I had not told her I was coming to town, but she had "that" feeling. Isn't that something? That's the synchronistic connection we have through our fellowship, through our connection to God.

Maty lost her husband Bill in 2014 to cancer. He was one of us and AA and we all loved him. She had part of his ashes released in Italy, as were his wishes. She was scheduled to return to Italy this April to live for a year, taking Italian classes and just "being" there. She was very excited and after our meeting we all went to lunch at the local spot, talking about her plans. She is a vibrant, gorgeous woman, full of warmth and wisdom. Being in her presence makes one feel calm and sane. Don't we all need someone like that in our lives?

I wanted to fly to Miami today but the airfare is just too high. I have to wait and trust - which I do - that the dozens upon dozens of Al-A-Family members are there to be with her. Yesterday, she responded to the doctor's command to squeeze his hand. She did. She also opened her eyes when our friend Alina arrived. And she winked at Alina! Good news, indeed.

We are a prayerful lot, and if you are too, may I ask you mention Maty in your prayer today?

Thursday, February 23, 2017

RIP Steveroni

Many years ago, when I first started blogging - maybe 8 years now - a fellow by the name of Steve E. aka Steveroni, became my blogging buddy. He wrote the insightful, fun and sincere blog "The Fourth Dimension". http://stfourthdimension.blogspot.com/

Steve was a long time member of AA, openly so, I am not breaking his anonymity. I have just found via the internet that he passed away, in 2015. This saddens me greatly.I have been looking around for him lately, on the net, but couldn't recall his last name. His blog had not had an entry since September 6, 2015. Now I know he died on September 20th. I can't tell you how much this hurts. I have just read another blogger friend of his, she wrote a lovely, heart-felt tribute to him.

http://cesandherdishes.blogspot.com/2015/10/farewell-my-beloved-friend-steve.html


Steve was a great cheerleader - maybe even a fan - of mine. He never let an opportunity pass to send me a wishful, uplifting note if he read here that I was down. Or going through a difficult time. Steve was the "fiddle man", he played the violin for a living, with the Cincinnati Symphony, Naples Symphony and also for fun, for his "peeps". Peeps was the name he used for his friends and fellows. He was a long-timer, sober since 1974. And he was loved. By me, to name but one.

I went into my old emails and found this one he sent me on September 9, 2015. He'd read of my particular misery that day on this blog and felt the loving need to reach out.

steveroni has left a new comment on your post "William":

Where my thoughts are is where I am focused, and--putting myself in your type situation- my focus would be pretty well total. Looking for him, thinking maybe a freak happening would be God's reaction to my "ton of bricks".

By the way, by focus--for me-it would mean "Why go to an AA meeting" when all I am thinking about is HIM, seeing him in every coat and hat walking in front of me. Jus' Sayin'. I am remembering the last lines of the song Nature Boy (Nat King Cole)

"...The greatest thing
you'll ever learn
Is just to love
And be loved in return

Some day you will find that combination --IF you stop "LOOKING FOR IT". It is a God thing. He will put you where you are to be to meet Mr SO RIGHT!!!

(ALL the above is MY opinion only, OK?)

steveroni

9/9/15


What's so 'funny' about this comment is that at this moment in time, in my life, I am not "looking" for it, or him, at all. This is the first time in my life that I am not seeking a relationship. I have chosen 2017 to be the year of Me and my business.

Thank you, Steve E. What a blessing you were to me and so many others. I shall always treasure your generous, loving spirit. You made a difference to so many....peeps.







Wednesday, February 22, 2017

Enough, again

Sometimes the day comes, when you least expect it, where a person just says "enough". It's kind of like a day of liberation. Last week I stood up - if that's the right term - to three people whom, directly and one indirectly, had control over me. And I didn't quite know it. I just knew that at times I had a 'bad' feeling when relating with them.

One is my brother. The older by 3 years brother who has always been superior to me - both in his mind and mine. He is my drug addict sister's chief angry enabler. When he choose to give her a car, his girlfriend's used car, I had decided I'd had enough. I wrote him a letter and let it all out. I had never done this before. I was angry and that anger was the grease needed to engage the ability to express myself. I can't say it was all love and light, my letter. But it was my truth. It may cost me our relationship - as superficial as it is, with both he and my sister, but I am OK with that. I've had enough of the disease in the both of them. When she told me about his giving her a FREE CAR, she blithely said "I prefer a truck, cars are too low for me".

Really. She lives in poverty. No job. No money. The typical addict attitude. I am angry. I am tried of watching it. I am detaching. Not with a lot of love at the moment, however.

Another, is my sponsor. I realize now I have placed him on a level above me. I have been grateful to accept the scraps of his time to talk - 15 minutes here, 10 minutes there - and have failed to realize that I am a person of value to him. Well, I am a person of value. We rarely see each other in person because we've always lived 60 miles away, and now we live 600 miles away. So when we set a date to meet as I passed through town last week, it was a commitment. And, for me, an important one. He didn't seem to agree with me because when he cancelled a day before, he minimized by saying "we'd talked about" meeting and that he had made other plans with his girlfriend. So......

I woke up.

I realized that people will only treat me with the exact same level of respect that I treat myself with. When I accepted the scraps, he - and others - are being told they only have to offer scraps. Lesson learned.

The last person, and the most important, is my son. A repeat of the same situation that I have very successfully failed at resolving. He speaks to me, at times, like shit. He is so much like me, his mouth, his anger, responds in a way that rips through my heart.

So, I woke up, again.

Here I am, currently sitting at the fork in the road, taking a time out till God figures out what I should do - if anything- and what I should say. If anything. I've said a lot. Silence might be my voice for now.

Saturday, February 18, 2017

Expectations

Expectations should be illegal. When a person cannot even expect their sponsor to honor a commitment, to not minimize their commitment, really sucks. I guess sponsors are people, too. I may need to find a new one.

Life can really suck sometimes.