Sunday, December 14, 2014

Sick, accepting and living in the moment

Seems like it's my turn to be sick. Again. Woke up yesterday with the oncoming of a cold. Hopefully not worse as so many people are going through now. Spent all day yesterday on the sofa watching sappy, crappy Christmas love movies. Oh joy.

My former friend/tenant moves on in 6 days. I eagerly await his departure. Living with active addictive behavior is frightening. Really, truly above my pay grade these days. The "crazing making" conversations pushes every button I have. I found myself so frustrated and reactive. I do not know how my 12 step friends can live with active addicts in their home and daily life.

I do my best to be civil and appropriate, let him live his life his way and live mine. He does not wish to accept my offer to go to a meeting nor does he seem interested in repairing our ruptured relationship. My goal, for today, is to be peaceful and enjoy THIS VERY MOMENT. The holiday, my future employment. Which, btw, I passed my state financial services exam! I will soon be employed selling Life, Health insurance and annuities. I am scared to death and excited at the same time.

God is good.

Saturday, December 6, 2014

Peace. Acceptance.

Peace. I feel peace. For the first time in over a month. Nothing outside myself has changed. So it must be the internal shift. A psychic change. My former friend is still renting the room from me. He still is incapable of addressing the hurt I feel but I have come to accept it. He is who he is and I can't wish him to be different. That's where the peace has come from. Thank God. Thank dear God that I'm done reacting and am now accepting.

I am grateful.

Wednesday, December 3, 2014

It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better.

The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat.

Theodore Roosevelt
26th U.S. President

Sunday, November 30, 2014

Thursday, November 27, 2014

Thank YOU

Dear blog readers,

I know I haven't been current here lately. I hope that changes. It's been a tough few months, to say the least. But the days are getting better, one at a time. Today, I wanted to express my thanks for you.

I started blogging almost 6 years ago I believe. I'd kept a journal for several years of my recovery, writing is very cathartic for me. I decided one day I wanted to connect to others through blogging to share in our mutual recoveries. I've met some really neat people as a result. I appreciate having a space to express my thoughts, challenges and especially, hope. To know that a few other humans on this planet read here and hopefully, possibly get something out of it is quite gratifying. I thank you for your comments, especially as you've supported me in my difficulties.

Life is good. It's as good as my connection to God is strong. And I am gaining more and more strength in that area. My therapy is making quite a difference in my life. I am uncovering a lot of answers to questions I didn't even know I had. One of the biggest ones is did my father really....really love me? And I think that today I believe the answer is.....yes.

Happy Thanksgiving dear readers. I hope today you feel just a smidge of peace and have the knowledge that I really do love you.