Tonight I will be picking up a medallion. Although I have 25 years, I will be picking up an 11 year medallion. Confusing, huh? It was 11 years ago that I got serious about recovering. It was 11 years ago that the desperation hit be with a devastating force I could no longer deny. It was the beginning of the end, and the end of a living death. It was the beginning of my freedom.
So tonight I will pick up a piece of medal that represents the only life I can live. The life of love, service, unity. The life of God.
Today, Christina, we believe God wants you to know that ...
it's time to start living in the present.
Letting go of the past is not
easy, especially if you have wounds that have never properly healed.
But, the past is past and living there may be preventing you from fully
experiencing the present. Likewise fear of what may be looming around
the corner can also prevent you from fully enjoying the present. Live in
the moment and look forward to eternity with God, now that's a great
Silence is as powerful, if not more powerful than any rage the can spew from my mouth. For so many years I only knew how to rage. All that pain from being muted in my youth came roaring from my soul sickness when someone hurt me. It was violent. And I had no control over it. It was a demon which when poked would erupt and violently damage the people on the receiving end. It was bad. Horrific bad.
Years ago my anger has encompassed my soul and over took any part of happiness I held. I needed help badly so I worked the steps on my anger. I wrote in my journal daily, I shared at every single meeting, with my sponsor. I prayed. I begged God to relieve me. And he did. He did. And he has continued to do so.
Today my anger is minimal, my rage is non-existent. I am now moving into a place of non-reaction in certain areas, and to my great blessing, I have been mute to the alcoholic for 2 months. He left my life when his 20 year younger now wife said he could not be my friend. So silence it is. And when I found out last week he remarried, I have remained silent. Whether he knows that I know it doesn't matter. My silence is my gift to myself. There are a few other people who at the moment shall not have my attention and will continue to receive the gift of silence for Christmas. It's not retaliation, its self care. I am seeing that some people, formally myself, thrive off of negativity generated attention. In other words, they treat me like shit, and hope/expect for me to react to validate that I care. I do care. Just more about myself. So I remain silent. Practice self care to not get sucked into the vortex. It is not easy many times. I am so used to my default of "saying what I need to say".